Back and the Reason Why.

Back. Back to the country I stepped foot in for the first time in 2008 - four years ago I seemed to be a different person in some ways, I was young, barely out of my teens, having never traveled to a third world country before, much less traveled, I was naive and more innocent than now, I was nervous and often scared of getting lost or making a mistake, I was somewhat unsure and not as confident as I had hoped to be, definitely not as independent as I am now. Kenya would give me illnesses and hospital stays, a bout of Malaria and Salmonella that would forever weaken my immune system. This country would make me miss home, would make me cry at night out of pure frustration, would depress me and loose me in its busy and dirty streets, it would steal from me and deceive and cheat me, it would confuse me with its languages and cultures I didn't understand, as a minority for the first time, it would give me my first taste of racism and force me to face the uncomfortableness of my skin color and its infinite judgements, in this country I would see real poverty and disease and in a rural village I would live amongst it and in a busy capital city I would walk through it.

But here I am, again, four years later and for the third time, back. Back because I can't stay away, this place showed me a piece of hell but is where I found my personal heaven. In Kenya's multiple gifts, while many included struggle, there was growth. I am more intelligent, my mind is more open and my perspective is greater. I am not afraid and I am not nervous. With each visit I find I am more independent and confident, more wise and sure, of myself and of the fact that this is where not only I want to be in this moment but also perhaps where I am meant to be.

On the plane from Dar Es Salaam to Kisumu, still a little upset about my stolen camera, I read a quote in a magazine, "Experiencing such a spectrum of powerful feelings in a short period is rather overwhelming and almost exhausting. However, after having some time to ruminate and digest it a little, I have come to the conclusion that this is exactly what life is about, at least for me. Imagine waking everyday knowing that today there will be no peaks or troughs, just one even matrix. There was a time where that was preferable, but now I prefer to give myself over to the "sharper teeth of existence"...there would be nothing worse than being gummed to death by life, may you experience the sharper teeth of existence and revel in being alive."

The Africa I have seen, and since Africa is a mighty continent, not one place or one country,but a mass of many countries, people, languages, and cultures, but of the small sampling I have had the privilege of winding through, I have felt alive, I have met incredible in your face genuine endearing kindness, I have laughed hard and smiled big, have welcomed and I mean over the top - live in my home, play with my children, eat my food, let me give you all I can welcomness, I have been amongst people with very little "things" but extreme happiness all the same, I have been embraced, loved, protected, and cared for and been told on infinite occasions, often by strangers on the street, "you are welcome, feel free, be free, and this is your home."

I am drawn to this place like a mosquito to light because of, perhaps, its beauty in nature, while here I've seen wonders of the world, climbed mountains and heard Victoria Falls before I saw it, not to mention the sunsets over the oceans, the red dunes we slept below in the deserts we camped in. Or maybe it is the wildlife, the elephant I rode or the dolphins I swam with, the whales off the coast of South Africa, the big game on the sides of the road in Botswana or the hippos we heard while swimming in the Zambezi or the elephant saw cross. Or maybe it is the activities that fill our days, snorkeling among hundreds of tropical fish in Lake Malawi, the safaris and hiking up and down gorges and dunes and mountains and red clay hills, or the swimming and rafting down the world's most powerful river, the bungee jumping. Also, I can't forget the food, the dishes that remind your tastebuds they are alive, the fresh mangoes alongside beaches, picked for us by smiling locals, the bananas sold to us off the tops of women's heads through our bus windows, the lobster, octopus, and squid dishes sold for mere dollars by local fishermen on the street and seasoned with limes and lemons, the of course the meals cooked in homes by friends that became a little bit of family. But I know the real reason, the truth to why I am back and why I can't stay away, the true attraction and addiction of this travel is not the sights, the animals, the activities, or the food, it is the people. The humans who show humanity and remind me the world is my home.